It's Never About What It's About - Part ll

In the first post of this series I described some of what happens when we experience a 'trigger event;' an event that triggers old emotions and thoughts we may not be aware of.

Now we'll look deeper into what's going on and we'll use a couple of simple and effective instantly actionable techniques to re-calibrate ourselves and re-align to the now. 

Remember where we were, back at the market place and desiring a bargain? We began to feel 'stuff' (maybe like anger, or frustration, or attraction) and we started experiencing our feelings about our perception of the event. We are no longer present in the event or moment.  We're instantly into another place, filled with emotions that have nothing or little to do with the actual current event. itself.

Then we begin to behave weirdly - as if we are

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Then we begin to behave weirdly - as if we are from another experience, time-zone, world.

Maybe we see the person opposite as being the 'cause' of our uncomfortable feelings and inner torment. So we bring in blame. Then we add a little imagination about what we're going to do to this person (aforementioned market vendor] for daring to 'threaten' our very existence.

Our emotions are now beginning to run away with us. They are literally taking us to where we are not. Out of the present and into a memory or a fear of an unwanted potential happening.

Our emotionalising is transporting us to other places and times where we felt threatened or uncomfortable or angry or frustrated.

And all the time, we think we're actually relating in the here and now with the person in front of us or the situation we're in.

We have totally fooled ourselves into believing this illusion.

In 'reality' we're actually relating to our own emotions and projecting them onto the event or the person we're dealing with. It's like we're overlaying a movie on top of things.

That's why our vendor is really surprised when you begin cursing 7 generations of their family and threatening to shove a spud in their car exhaust. And all because they didn't want to sell you from their lemon yellow mankini range at the ridiculous 98% discount you'd pleasantly requested.

When your communication is littered with the debris and detritus of your previously existing experiences, you are no longer communicating anything other than emotionalised projections. This is not good.

Not being present is a real pain in the arse for everyone.

If we're not truly present in the event or with the people we're relating with, we are truly not of this world - at that time. We are elsewhere. Literally.

We are being inwardly entertained with imaginations, auditory, kinaesthetic and visual illusions awash with remembered or created happenings. Damned weird stuff.

Or it would be if it wasn't happening to all of us most of the time several times a day. So it's actually incredibly common stuff.

Being fully present demands energy, attention, awareness and qualities of discipline rarely found in common hours.

So, if you're feeling like drowning all her puppies because she said 'not this time' to a date or you want to coat his mother in treacle because 'the old bat' didn't smile enough at your new dress, you can take a deeeeep breath as suggested in Part l.

Understand that you've been well and truly caught by the 'zone-outs.' 

You are feeling stuff that is probably unrelated to what is currently happening. 

It's never about what it's about. 

Get back into being present - yes it takes practice, mindfulness practice.

But start with this: 
Repeat to yourself internally, "I am here, now." 
Feel your feet on the ground. 
Breathe out.
Now breathe in.
Observe what you notice and notice what you observe.
Notice what you sense, hear, smell, taste, touch-feel, see.
Continue to breathe.
Enjoy being present - it won't last and uou'll have to catch yourself again, and again. But if you can integrate this discipline gently into your life, you will become happier.

If you can recognise some of these instances in your life as they're happening and let breathing out fully be your first resort, you will begin to open a whole new world of presence for yourself. 

And it will be a whole new world, because most of us have never been here, now, for long enough to appreciate it's miraculous nature.

More coming.

Next Post, Part lll : 'It Is What It Is' -  Really?

Craig ​